Monday, May 30, 2005
To: Alicia
yeah..ok, i guess maybe it was a mistake..
in a way..
but i just wanna say, i didn't mean to bleed u dry..
i'm sorry..
i tried asking u if i was too costly..
too time and energy consuming..
i asked u to rest, sleep..
but u never told me..
how much i've been draining out of you..
u should've told me.
i would've listned..
but i'm not blaming u for anything.
it's nobody's fault..
i guess it's just the way things are..
but anyhow, it's over.
i'm sorry for all the trouble i've caused,
all the pain i've inflicted upon u and ur family.
but yeah.. i guess maybe god did have his plans..
to open our eyes a little wider..
sigh.. it was really painful to see the truth..
to face it..
i'm sorry that this had to happen now..
with such horrible timing,
i just hope that.. u'll do well..
i'm sorry alicia..
i really am..
i dunno if i could.. or if i would want to include myself in the picture,
with u and ur mom and all.. after the o's..
after all that has hapened.. i don think i'm very wanted in there..
i'll just have to wait and see..
cuz..i'm not exactly ready to give it all up.
but for now.. i'm letting it go..
i hope u will too..
i don wanna cause u any further pain,
further distraction,
further heartaches,
headaches..
i don wanna make u cry anymore..
cuz it pains me too..
to know that ur in so much pain..
cuz of me..
so please baby..
let us go..
and if somehow, someday, sometime..
we should get back together..
then let it be god who'll put us back together..
just like the way he did it the first time, on my blog..
and how he broke us up too..
screwing up the phones and all..
so if it will be his will again..
then i'd rather leave it to him..
to do it..
but for now..
i'm gonna let it go..i hope u understand why..
i'm sorry..
but you know..
after the o's,
i'm really looking forward to sorting things out with u..
clear things up.
cuz right now.. it's real messy..
lets clean up the mess after our o's yea?
so.. please..alicia..
i hope u will get over me..
it's not that i've gotten over u..
to tell u the truth...
i'm actually still holding on..
i'm still holding on to you..
in a small way..
but i'm letting u go..
most of u..
but i can't, let all of u go..
cuz i wanna believe that,
there's something..
some hope...
i dunno..
somehow..
or maybe
it's just that i'm not ready to let all of u go..
but i'm letting most of u go..
and it's fine with me,
if u wanna let go of me entirely.
i'm not gonna do anything.
i don wanna:
do anything,
stop u,
restrict u..
cuz i never wanted to,
i never will.
anyways..
good luck with your studies, and all that you do.
take care and god bless. i hope you'll have a great time,
with all of ur friends at the movies and outings.
just don think of me, and i'm sure you'll have a good time. haha.. sighhh..
take care and god bless.
-nick.
i actually blogged at 6:26 PM
pleaseshootme